If you’re not up for that, try my Revolutionary Ratatouille (anthropomorphic rat not included):

• 3 Cloves Garlic
• 1 Big Onion
• 1 Can Diced Tomatoes
• 2 Fresh Diced Tomatoes
• 2 Cups Diced Eggplant
• 1 Big Finely Sliced Zucchini
• 1 Bag of New Potatoes

Crush the garlic cloves and dice the onion, then simmer them over medium-low heat in some olive oil.� Stir continuously, lest the garlic turn brown.� When the onions are soft, throw in the diced Eggplant (I find the thin Japanese Eggplants cook more evenly) and throw in all the tomatoes.� Grind in some fresh pepper & sea salt for good measure.� Stir everything together, then cover and simmer for about 10 minutes.� This gives the eggplant time to soften up & absorb the flavor of the garlic/onion/tomato.

While it’s simmering, get slicing on that zucchini.� It has to be sliced thinly and evenly; think semi-transparent slices.� If it’s too thick, it will taste gross.� Add the Zucchini when the eggplant/tomato has simmered long enough, and let it simmer for another 10 minutes.

Now’s a good time to boil some water for your potatoes.� In this case, the spuds are the base of the dish (pasta also works, but it’s not as good).� Potatoes are heartier and absorb more of the flavor of Ratatouille.� Boil the potatoes for about 15 minutes- if you’re not sure of whether or not they’re ready, try to stick a fork in one (if the potato is soft, it’s ready to eat).� Drain the water and quarter the potatoes with a fork or other pointy thing.

Before you ladle on the ratatouille, put some fresh herbs (like rosemary, basil, oregano, whatever you’ve got on hand) and let them sit for a minute in the stew- if you put them in earlier, their flavor gets lost.

Pour the Ratatouille on the potatoes, serve with a nice red wine, and get ready to depose the broccoli crown, chop some heads of lettuce, and let the cat out of the baguette.

Related items

• Tile be seeing you…

Not that I’ve been working on it for that long.  Cutting and laying the tile (a relatively simple task) only took 3 days; acquiring the tile and investing the time presents the greater challenge.

My advice to would-be tilers is only this: buy as much extra tile as you can afford.  It pains me to think of the cost of all the tiles I broke in cutting, but a worse fate would have been to run out of tiles before the mortar has a chance to dry.  Out of 3 cases of tile, only 3 tiles remain unused.

It also helps to have a second bathroom.  God, how I wish we had a second bathroom (tiling, grouting and sealing takes about 3 days to cure; at no point during that time can the bathroom be used for anything).  If you are unlucky enough to have just one bathroom, the restrooms at Kohl’s are very tidy.

Related items

• Bon Appetit, Madame Guillotine